Of Birthdays

My friends kidnapped me for my birthday and took me to a fancy restaurant for appies and drinks. We had a wonderful time visiting, then went to Quantum of Solace, the new Bond movie. Okay, I still can't wrap my head around a blond Bond. It just doesn't work for me. I'd planned to go to tango, but this was much more fun. Aren't friends grand?

Irony

For any Tango Vita members, please read your latest newsletter carefully. Well worded, but too bad they don't see the irony when they say they refuse to support a business, but continue to allow both Rene and Lilliana to teach (both board members by the way). They refuse to support Cafe Casablanca, refuse to support Brent and Hedy, and refuse to support David and Diane. It is on the other hand perfectly acceptable to allow others to run a business under the umbrella of Tango Vita. Tango by the Sea would not have been held on a conflicting night if certain members were teaching that night.

Another point that must be made regards the Tango Vita web site. Teachers are supposed to have access to the web site. Last year, all the passwords were revoked. This includes the password for those in Port Townsend (who have nothing to do with the politics dividing our small community). James and Terri were given a new password when they complained. No one else was. This indicates that although Tango Vita claims to support its members, in reality it only supports a select group of members.

From an outsiders perspective (mine) it always came across as a vindictive move. I had no loyalty to Tango Vita at the start, only to tango itself, and to a group of friends, many of whom were also members of Tango Vita. As I refuse to choose that side, I am noticing that those "friends" will no longer dance with me or speak to me. As a result, I have finally become a member of Tango Vita. The question is, do you want "members that strongly support the existence of our Argentine Tango Association as it is now", or do you want to grow as an association, as friends and as a community?

Unbalanced life?

We all go through phases in our lives and I am trying to figure out the next phase of my life. My divorce devistated me, but since my trip, this is the best I have felt in years. As a result, I’ve started to wonder if I spend too much time at tango. The lack of dance was grating on me even though this is something I love to do. Because I wasn’t dancing, I forgot what drew me to the dance in the first place: the sense of connection; the beauty of the music; the conversations with friends.

Recently I had a conversation regarding balance in our lives. Her comment was that too much tango makes for an unbalanced life. I can’t help but question that. Yes, I dance three or four nights a week, but I also quilt, read, write, spend time with my family and more. Let’s not forget shoe shopping. That is a whole life in and of itself! How do we determine balance, and how can one person judge what works as balance for another person? I’ll often sew for three hours when I come home from work, and getting together with friends and sharing a dance or two is a wonderful way to finish off an evening.

Tango is what I choose to do (among other things). As long as I don’t forget that dancing goes in cycles. Sometimes the time on the floor is plentiful, sometimes the time watching is plentiful. But behind it all is the music, the friendships. These are the things that bring most of us together night after night. And hey, I’m not the only one there most evenings. Does this mean we all lead unbalanced lives?

Freedom

For a woman who thinks nothing of hopping on an airplane and heading to a foreign country, it is amazing how terrified I am of the possibility of a relationship. The thought of compromising myself, losing my freedom causes my subconscious to become a bitch. Right now, I can travel when I want, go out when I want, sleep as long as I like. That is too much for me to willingly give up.

I had a budding friendship with a fellow a while ago. When I realized I was actually attracted to him, I did the unthinkable and told him. According to all the chick lit, this is a sure fire way to drive him away. I was hoping he would tell me it wasn't mutual, then we could get on with the business of being friends. But he didn't. I don't think this means he was attracted to me, just that he chose not to say he wasn't. I didn't pursue the possibility of a friendship with him either as he was no longer "safe".

Lately I've come to think I wouldn't mind a "normal" relationship. I also wonder how a woman with such a fierce independent spirit can do this without sacrifice.

New Year’s Weekend

In three nights of dancing, our entire community wasn't together once. I realize that people come and go, and not everyone could be together all the time. To an outsider the rifts aren't so apparent as there are so few who only support the faction that split. And also(because of those from out of town) most of of were willing to dance at Henderson Hall. As a result, most who came on Saturday night were also in attendance either Friday or Sunday night. The few who refuse to support the cafe seemed more like outsiders than those who came from out of town. If this was a move for power and control, they seem to have lost all of it.

I did hear some disturbing comments from more than one friend of mine that now feels isolated from the community at the cafe since the split. Why are we isolating people? Tango is about connection, community and above all friendship. We will lose those on the fringe if we don't extend our hand in friendship. And it would be a great loss to our community.

The Gallery

Finally went to the gallery to dance last night. Friendship counts far more than politics in the end, and because Wendy asked, I went. Only a few people are part of both groups, so the split is very much a split. It hurts as I have friends in each "camp" and feel so torn each time I'm forced to choose who my "friends" are.

Lilliana came in, greated everyone in that wonderful "sweet" voice of hers, went down the line of women. "Merry Christmas. It is so good to see you. How are you. So glad you could make it out tonight." Yadda, yadda, yadda. Then she gets to me.

"Oh, hi" and stalks off. Later, she tried to make nice, but really, it was a bit late for that! Guess it is obvious who isn't on the "friend" list.

Enough Said

I am such a bitch to him. And I hate myself because of it. I swing between wanting things to go back to they way they had been and anger. But there is no had been. The truth is that it was only my perception we were friends anyway. I could talk to him, but why? We aren't ever going to be friends. Hard to do that when he thinks I violate his boundaries. It shouldn't even bother me. He doesn't want me to have anything to do with him, so I don't talk to him. Should be fine. But then I have to act like a bitch, and I hate it.