Final Thoughts on Change

There is a song by One Republic that sums up this month's challenge for me. Part of the lyrics to Stop and Stare say:

"Stop and stare
I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be"
One Republic 2007

I was something I couldn't be. I could see where I wanted to be, but not how to get there, partly because I didn't know where I was. Blogging this month about change helped me identify what was missing. The harder I tried, the more resistant to change I became. Deep down inside, I knew that and changed my focus for the year. It helped, but not enough. Now to buck up, let go and move on.

p.s. Sorry I've come across as so grumpy--that is what happens when you resist changes that are necessary in your life!

Tango Bliss

Young, lived eight months in Argentina, where he learned to dance, disassociation, beautiful lead. Ah, bliss. Too bad he lives in Alaska.

Not Quite a Zipper

I should have sewn the zipper into my daughter's wedding dress. But rather than hand sew an invisible zipper into her dress, I chose to hand sew beads to a quilt. Don't ask me to explain my logic (because there isn't any).



My daughter thinking I should flip it so the light green is at the top. Any suggestions? It means I have to resew the tree-like shape on so it has the right orientation, but that is easy to do.


I had so much fun that I bought yellow, red and blue beads to add to my quilt for the April TIF. So this weekend, I need to read and make comments on two stories for my writer's group, finish the wedding dress and get the quilting done on the April project so I have time to sew on the beads. Yep, too much to do again.

What Not to Say

Yesterday I helped Richard teach another tango class at the community centre. Most of the women taking the class know absolutely nothing about dancing. They are eager and keen learners. One lady commented that she likes our teaching. She said that Richard tells them how to do a move, and I tell them why to move a certain way. As I explained how ochos work and about disassociation, she eagerly tried to put into practice the concept.

Another woman had a hard time understanding how to pivot on the ocho. She would step behind herself before turning, twisting herself into funny shapes. But she tried to understand why it wasn't working and would stop me over and over again for help, a look of pleasure on her face each time she got it right.

Then there was the "I can't". OMG, these are two words that should never be spoken by an adult. Like most follows, she stepped diagonally after the pivot, so I tried to work with her so she would step straight after the pivot. And her response: "I can't." She claimed that pivoting put too much pressure on her hips so she couldn't do what I asked. Except for one small point--she was already doing the pivot.

Here's my question, if you don't want to learn, why are you taking lessons? Why not just stay at home, or do something else. If you say to say to a teacher "I can't", there is no longer any room for teaching. It is unfortunate when we close ourselves off from learning. Learning is part of growth.

After my last post, I realized that still I wasn't embracing change and growth the way I normally would. It has been a long road back from the brink, but like Muza commented: "From now on you should be able to weather all changes that will come in your life." And she's right. A willingness to embrace change gives us the strength we need to weather them.

More Thoughts on Change

I've been thinking more about the concept of change and what it entails. I think the core of the question (thanks Juanita for reminding me of this) is how resilient we are. Everyone goes through change, some more than others. Sudden change tests our internal resolve, the very resilience of our beings.

Several years ago, I was tested almost to the breaking. That was the year my youngest was run over by a truck, my grandfather died, I separated and my middle daughter attempted suicide. Thankfully both girls survived, but it was an intensely stressful year. I'd always thought of myself as extremely resilient until then. Almost loosing two of my daughters in one years was the worst thing I've ever endured. But we all survived.

Right now, I don't want to go through any more changes in my life. I don't want my resilience tested again. I might not have enough left. Although I know if it comes right down to it, I'd survive again. I've done it before and will find the reserves deep inside myself to do it again.

Here is the start of my April TIF piece. The springboard was menopause, another large change in my life, but one I don't mind. I'll let this sit a bit before I start to quilt it--just to see if I need to change anything first.

Insulted?

A friend showed up unexpectedly at tango last night. She'd missed the last ferry back to Salt Spring, so came dancing. I offered her my couch to crash on, and we were discussing sleeping garments--can't let the poor woman sleep in her clothes after all. But, I don't think I own a nightie, or flannel jammies or well anything of that nature. I admitted I sleep in sweat pants and a fleece sweatshirt. Ooh, the images of sexiness that must provoke.

Another friend looked at me in shock, surprised I didn't own a night gown. She obviously had images of frills, lace, satin maybe. Where did she get that idea? So I asked and was told that she thought I was a 'girly girl'. Gasp. OMG, no. Not that!

"What gave you that impression?" I asked her in remarkable confusion. Girly girl? Me?

"Well, you know. The clothes. The shoes. The curves." Can't argue the curves. Or the shoes for that matter. But that makes me a... no, I can't say it again. It is just too horrible for words. I'd rather climb a tree than figure out how to put on make-up. Yep, I quilt and know how to bake extremely well, but I am not one of those. Exact opposite really.

Garbage Goddess

I was thinking of entering the "Go Green" challenge in Quilting Arts. I rummaged in my garbage can and came up with this:





















I've gotten permission to use the image in the quilt, so just need to do a write up and ship it off. It might be small, but is the first quilt contest I've entered. Rather exciting!

The Change

I figured out what to do for the TIF April challenge. In the end it was one of those duh moments brought on by yet another you guessed it--hot flash! Hah, here I sit, going through 'the change' and and it was right in front of me all along. My initial idea had to do with emotion more than anything. This will work with my initial concept. Watch this space, you'll see what I mean as I go along! Hopefully it will work the way I envision. The last two haven't, so we'll see.

Change (Will Do You Good)

Our challenge for this month is "how do you see change?" I have a love/hate relationship with change. There are two types of change that we can encounter in our lives. The first is much easier to deal with. These are the changes we initiate ourselves. We decide what to do, how and when. These are life events that we have a measure of control over. How we cope is often easier as we've weighed the pros and cons carefully before embarking on the 'adventure'.

The second change we encounter is the true measure of how we deal with change, and is the deeper, harder version. This is the version life itself throws at you--the kind with grief attached as we learn to deal with losses or unexpected change. Sudden death or unforeseen accidents bring change that is often unwelcome, always unanticipated, and therefore can be harder to deal with.

My life started on a note of change. My family had very recently gone through the death of both my dad and his father in an accident. The tragic accident occurred only three months before I was born, so I grew up with the knowledge that change is inevitable. To emphasize the point, I lost my mother in another tragic accident shortly before my fourteenth birthday. So I'm no stranger to change. That is where the hate part of the relationship comes in. I hate these kinds of changes. I'm a Scorpio. I love intensely and deeply, and the loss of those I love cuts like a knife. It is all part of change, the seasons of life etc, but I still deeply miss those I love.

Sharon's challenge strikes me as one of life's little ironies. I'd been thinking of this topic since Saturday when I was propositioned by a fellow I've known for a couple of years. His 'request' caught me rather off guard, so I waffled. Sensing it, he told me he wouldn't ask me again if I said no. Hum, blackmail. That never works with me. I'll dig in my heels instead. Which is what happened. Should have been the end of that, but instead, I found myself wondering what would have happened if I'd made that 'change' in my status of happily single and let him come home with me instead.

Frustrated with myself (partly because I'd said no and couldn't decide if it was only a fear of change), I decided to get a hair cut. Well, I really only wanted a trim--I'm rather attached to my long red hair--so specified that the length wasn't to be trifled with. And came home in tears with shoulder length hair. OMG six inches! That was when I read Sharon's posting on change. Guess sometimes I handle change with equanimity. Some times, it is a bit more challenging. I almost decided to do a quilt with six inches of symbolic red curls, but maybe not. After all, it is only hair and will grow back.

What I Should Have Done Today

This is what I should have been working on today:





























This is what I did instead:















A "quick" visit to the sewing show netted a few treasures. There are some African woodblock prints, batiks and some wonderful thread. The bag of thread was a deal. I came back to the booth three times, dithering whether I should spend the $30 for a bag. Pick up, put down. Look at all the colours. Leave, repeat. The woman at the booth on the third time said "you've been back three times, I give it to you for $24". Okay. Thirty spools of rayon thread for less than $1/spool works for my frugal tastes.

I was a bit disappointed in the show this year, though. I went expecting to find some specialty threads like last year, but one booth specializing in crazy quilting supplies with silk ribbons and more wasn't there this year. Over half the space was taken up with sewing machines. Must resist, must resist. I saw an Elna for only $1099, much more decked out than my machine. Must resist, must resist.

I did wish I knew what the colour palette for April was going to be. I could have picked up fiddly bits (not that I need more) in the colour palette. Oh well, it is probably a good thing. This way I think I spent less money than I might have otherwise. Must stop thinking about that Elna though!

Innocence

Wow, this was a busy month. Every time I think I'm catching up, something else is added to my to do list. I agreed to help a friend teach a tango workshop for beginners at a community centre. It is this weekend, but it meant that Tuesday I had to go in early to tango so we could practice. But, I finally finished the first idea for the TIF Challenge. I'm not sure if I like it, but my daughter does, so I'm going to give it to my granddaughter.












A detail shot (because it's all about the details):

















That gives me Friday and Saturday to whip chapter two of my NaNo into shape for my writer's group on April 6th. That wouldn't be so bad, but it needs a complete overhaul. Ah well, it will be so much better. Maybe. Of course, it might take another five or six re-writes.

Then yesterday, I discovered I hadn't missed the sewing show after all. Except it is this weekend. That would be the same two days I have to finish the writing and help teach tango. Hum, somewhere in there is a wedding dress too.

Details

I've been thinking more about details. In my writer's group, we were each to write a story for one member to fill in the details. When offering critiques of our writing, Josh often comes up with convoluted backgrounds for characters. We were joking around the last time we met and decided that each of us had to write a story for him to fill in the details.

This is what I wrote. Of course, it is missing all the details. Go ahead and fill in your own!

Mumbai could hear his women below, their cries prickling the soles of his feet, pressed hard against the cold planks of the ship’s deck. He was powerless to prevent the fate about to befall Kantha. Mumbai thought of the promise he’d made, regretting it once again. Now it was too late to take it back. It might be too late for everything. Sighing, Mumbai broke his contact with the deck before he was caught.

These self-important pale men, fair of skin and eyes had no right to chain him like this. They were like demonic ghosts. The tallest white devil strode back and forth down the rows, tapping a whip against his thigh in rhythm to the chanting--chanting he could not hear.

Beside Mumbai sat three others. On the bench beside him were four more. And behind him—an entire crew pulled in rhythm, their chanting heard only in Mumbai’s head. His manacled arms clanked an offset beat. Chant, stroke, clank. Chant, stroke, clank. On and on. He thought the sound would never end.

Kantha cried again, screams of agony disrupting their rowing. The rhythm faltered, and the white devil raised his whip in threat. Growling, Mumbai started chanting again, and the rhythm quickly resumed. The white devil stayed his hand, scowling at Mumbai in anger. Once again, the whip beat in rhythm to the unheard sound.

Mumbai risked a glance at the shore, hazy in the distance. It was at least two days away. He shivered, partly in anticipation and partly in dread. Inside, Mumbai could feel its pull, chanting to him in time to the rhythm in his head.

“Do you think to stop it?” The devil leaned in and whispered in Mumbai’s ear. Mumbai hissed in shock, and the devil laughed. “You are powerless to stop it. Don’t even try.” A whip across his back emphasized the devil’s point.

The cries from below stopped abruptly, the silence eerie. Mumbai splayed his toes flat against the deck of the ship, trying to feel what was below, but nothing reached him.

“Don’t.” One word was all that was spoken, but it was enough. Mumbai curled his toes inward in recoil. Chant, stroke, clank, the sound continued. Dread built with each stroke of the oar. It wouldn’t be long now.

“Yes, good. Good,” the devil whispered in his ear again.

Promises made, promises broken. If it wasn’t for his promise… Glancing furtively at the devil, Mumbai placed his toes flat against the deck once again. This time, Kantha’s shallow breathing whispered through his toes, fueling Mumbai’s resolve. The whip came down hard on his back, breaking the chanting to a million fragments in his mind. Breaking his connection to Kantha. At least he knew she was alive. For now.

Mumbai smiled inwardly. He’d bought them a small amount of time, but it might be all he needed.

“Again,” the devil ordered. Rather than risk another whip across the back, Mumbai started to chant again. The devil watched the shore, appearing disinterested. Mumbai knew the truth. The marks on his back proved the devil’s interest.

Turning abruptly, the white devil stared at Mumbai, chilling him to the core. “Do it now,” he ordered. It was time. Mumbai had only one chance. One chance to save himself or to keep his promise, a promise he did not want to keep.

Splaying his feet flat, Mumbai started to chant out loud. The noise roared around him, evil, noxious. Bile rose in Mumbai’s throat and he choked it back. Kantha cried in agony below him, and Mumbai wept, bitter tears of anguish. He’d kept his promise, but Mumba wondered if he would miss his soul.

It's All About the Shoes

This was the idea that wouldn't go away, so I just did it. The border is small details of shoes. I used photos printed onto fabric. For the border, I made 1/2 square triangles from the shoes I'd printed. It created an interested effect. If you look closely, it is possible to see a bit of heel, buckles etc. Kind of interesting.



Now I can go back to working on the other idea I originally had for the TIF March challenge. It is interesting how this one is coming together. Originally, my inspiration came from William Blake's poem Augries of Innocence. The flowers almost have a feeling of innocence to them. Strange how that works out.



Yesterday, I did the first fitting of the bodice for my daughter's wedding dress, so I guess things are going along on the time track they should be. I still feel somewhat overwhelmed with what I have to do, but that will pass after May when the wedding is done. As long as I don't remember what I have to do this week that is.

Possible Direction Shift

I might change directions for the March TIF Challenge. This one will get made no matter what. I've been pondering over "My Favourite Thing". Of course, shoes top the list. This comes from a woman who only owned two pairs of shoes four years ago. Now I own--give me a minute here, um ooh, four pairs of Comme il Faut, three pairs of Lolo Gerard, three pairs of Tango Brujo, a pair of Madreselva, and several assorted others. Oh, and a pair of Neo Tango.

The idea that has been swirling around in my head (kind of pushing everything else out) has to do with several of those favourites. In Buenos Aires, I fell hard for shoes and brought nine pairs back. I've bought three additional pairs of top end tango shoes since I've come home. I surf the web looking at new styles and colours frequently. Ah, it's a love affair. Who knew.

So I took photos of some of my favourites, heels (yeah, ooh I love, love, love stiletto's), positioned and took more pictures. In Photoshop, I played with filters, applying various styles. I've printed this out on fabric already:



And this will probably form the border so that the finished size winds up 13x13:



This would work for the March TIF too. It is a detail shot of shoes, and with tango, the ability to dance well is all about details. From the perfect pair of shoes, the correct posture, the embrace, and more, it is a dance of details. I'm still working at my first idea, but this one keeps pushing at me. Guess I'll try to do both, but the shoes will probably get finished first.

Disassociation

Those of us who dance serious tango know the feeling. The one you get when your torso and your feet don't actually move together. They are like two separate entities joined at the navel. In close embrace, feet don't tangle with your partner, two bodies move as one unit with four legs. It is pure bliss.

So last night, I had a conversation with someone (who shall remain nameless). We were talking about connection, the level of dance in our community etc. So far, so good. Until this individual pointed at a lead and indicated that he was one of the leads that didn't connect correctly. I mentioned that he didn't have a full enough torso connection, but that he was one of the few leads that was able to disassociate. And was told he had to or he'd "get in the follow's way". Um, yeah. That's the whole point. If you don't disassociate, you get in our way. And we get in your way. Our feet tangle, and we have to resort to strange methods to keep from getting stepped on.

The person I was talking to figured that with less connection to our torso, this lead would dance better. I wonder where the idea that disconnecting rather than disassociating is the answer. It might seem like the same thing, but it isn't. Personally, when my lead disconnects, I hunch my shoulders in an attempt to reconnect, throwing off everything. If I disconnect as well, I get stepped on, or lose my balance as I try to follow their body.

The lead starts with the chest. All the intention is from this connection. Our torso's should connect from the navel to the collar bone (more or less). There is this new "V" embrace, but the connection is still from the waist up. If you lose connection in a molineta, it breaks the rhythm. Disassociation will help to prevent the loss of connection. First your torso moves into the circle, then the legs follow.

This video from the Portland Tango Festival in October shows what I mean. Watch how little room there is between lead and follow. Murat and Michelle, Nick and Tara and Somer and Agape are amazing. (Nick dances with Murat part way through the video and Tara and Michelle dance together, just so you know who's who).


Once you've felt it, you can't go back. In the meantime, I try to explain how it works and hope more leads (and follows) figure it out.

Overload

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. It is my own fault. At the beginning of the year I added several projects as I needed to be busier than I was. Looking long-term, I knew if I had more on the go, one aspect of my life would have to fall into the background as a result--you know, I can't do thus and so because I'm too busy. Now that the reality is upon me, I wonder if I have what it takes to carry through with dropping what I need to drop, or if I will instead let slide other things I've added more recently.

Yesterday, I had a bit of a panic. I have a 600 word story to write for my writer's group. For some reason, I thought it had to be submitted tomorrow, and I hadn't even started it yet. Eep. I came home from work and pounded out 297 words. What happened to the 1,666 I wrote every day in November? Then I discovered I had another week, so left it. That is when I realized I might choose the easy path, rather than the harder one.

I still haven't done much on Bekah's wedding dress. I suppose I could cheat and consider it my TIF March project, as I always pay attention to detail when I sew (properly finished seams, careful zippers etc.), but that wouldn't be much fun. Besides, I'm loving the process of the TIF challenge.

It is also making a difference to how I view my writing. I would have finished the 600 words yesterday without a second thought, but now I'm analyzing how to take it further. Instead of the obvious conclusion, I'm thinking of tricky endings.

Ah well, off to sew a bit on the wedding dress and then maybe some editing of my NaNo before bed.

Grain of Sand Background

I've got the start of a background for my idea for the March challenge. I've cut out "flower" petals and need to arrange them on top and start to applique.



The perfectionist in me needs to fix the spot in the middle where the greens join. It is off by less than a 1/4 of an inch, but hey, this month is about attention to detail. Seems like a good place to start.

Thoughts on March

This month's challenge is to think on the small things in life (the details). Sharon comments that "sometimes the small things become emblematic for something larger".

Pondering this yesterday, I thought of how our lives (or mine anyway) is about the details. Thinking of the past in the last two months, I can see how a small action or comment changed my life forever. I remember reading William Blake as a teenager. I knew many of his poems and could recite them endlessly. A snippet of one came to mind as I pondered the small things, but more, how the small things are a symbol of larger things.


To see a world in a grain of sand,
And a heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.
William Blake, Auguries of Innocence

An idea came out of this--flowers on a surreal background, the centers different sizes, each one a planet in our galaxy.

I fully believe that each small action (kindness or otherwise) has immense effect on not just us, but those around us and as a result, the world at large. So small things are in effect large things. Okay, and I promise I won't beat you with the symbolism.

SpiroFinished

Thanks to everyone who gave me input regarding whether to crop the quilt or not. In the end, I split the difference and cropped most of the blue off the one side (although not as much as I'd thought of initially. I also decided to put a regular binding on it, adding a small amount of the light blue from the challenge colours.

So here is the finished quilt.



I'm still not sure I'm happy with it, but the deadline is here, so there you go.

Stilling Thinking

This isn't right in my head yet. Aargh. Maybe soon. I'm sitting at work still musing over this piece and trying to figure whether I like it. And so I pick at it like a scab. I cropped it in photoshop just to see what it would look like. Maybe it's a good thing it is at home so I don't cut it to pieces before I completely make up my mind. Any preferences which looks better?


Cropped:


Not cropped:

Spiro Finished (almost)

I'm almost afraid to show this now. I've received more compliments on the previous look, much to my surprise. I wasn't happy with anything from the very start. On my design wall, it looked lost and unappealing without much to draw me to look closer. Cropped and on a computer screen was another matter.

So here is the almost completed quilt.



I'm going to bind it, but with a facing instead of a narrow binding. The finished size is about 16 1/2" wide x 19" high.

This month proved a real challenge (huh, go figure), but I enjoyed the stretch. I felt very much that I had to take this idea further to make it work. Some ideas I had didn't work, but now, two days from the end of the month, I have a thought on how to possibly make my initial idea work. Hum, more playing might be in order.

Progress--Finally

After a weekend away, I'm finally making progress on this month's Take It Further Challenge. I had enough put together to work on it in between milonga's when I was in Portland, but didn't get much accomplished. Ah well, there is still one more week left in the month.

Now for some quilting. And maybe beads.

ValenTango—A Reflection or Two

It is quite possible I'm becoming a tango festival junkie. I love the passion, the energy and the shear number of bodies. Watching the young hot bodies dance is an experience all its own. I spent pleasurable moments in between abusing my feet watching footwork, hip movements and embrace. Ah, bliss.

At Gordon's recommendation, I made sure to attend all the alternative milonga's. Hipbone (that fits tango doesn't it!) was hot and crowded, but the vibrancy more than made up for the heat. The venue is funky, but the heat almost made it too much. Here, it is evident that there is a subtle change in dance among the younger crowd. A higher skill level is necessary to dance the way these kids are. Grounding of your foot, the necessity to collect, the pause are all integral. The dancing is much more a dance of pause and move, pause and move. It is wonderful to watch and even better to dance.

I've been perusing websites looking for a tango festival in July that was mentioned. After discovering that many of those hot bodies I saw were internationally renowned teachers in Portland "for fun", I finally found what I was looking for. Nora's Tango Week runs from July 4th to 11th in San Francisco. Hum, guess I know where I'm going next.

Spiro Frustration

My idea for the TIF February is based on a Spirograph. It was one of my favourite toys as a kid. One problem quickly arose. They are no longer available. At least not in the same form that I remember. Chapters online shows a new version, but Toys 'R Us doesn't, at least not in Canada. I didn't bother to head to Chapter's locally to see if any were in stock, as it was easy to see that the set isn't what I remember.

I found a Klutz book with a similar product to the new version of the Spirograph, and took it home to play with. If you have a good idea, don't mess with it! This just doesn't measure up. All the circles are the same size and the dynamics of creating the spirals are different. I persevered... I'm stubborn, just ask anyone who knows me well.

After much trial:






And error (more error than trial, actually) I might have found something that will work. It will be very ephemeral, but with quilting may get the idea across. We'll see.




My biggest concern is that I'm going to run out of time. I have until Wednesday to get something together, and then won't be able to work on it until next week as I'm heading to Portland on Thursday for Valentango. Woo hoo! Oh, and a friend booked the hotel online for me. He thought it was near the tango venue. Instead it it near the largest fabric store in Portland. Fabric instead of shoes? I think I can live with that!

Further thoughts on TIF

I've been contemplating the idea of the February challenge. Several ideas have come to mind, but I'm not jumping up and down over any of them. None of them fit with the idea of taking things further.

Yesterday I bought supplies for one idea, but still don't know if this is one I want to do, after all, those of us of a certain age all remember the first moon landing. It doesn't feel original enough to work on something that is so much a part of all of our psyche (but maybe that is the best reason to do it).

While in the craft store, I remembered a recent conversation on spirograph. This was one of my favourite toys when I was young. That sent my mind in another direction. Hum, are they even still available? I couldn't find a spirograph though. The closest was a Klutz book with elaborate wheels, but this might have potential. Now my mind is working on how to bring something out of this nebulous idea percolating at the back of my mind. Oh gee, there is something else I remember--percolated coffee.

What To Do?

Hum, don't know where to go with this piece. Originally, I thought to embellish it once I quilted it--something I haven't really tried in the past. After I appliqued the light strips on, I had to let it sit to figure out how to quilt it. Now, I have no idea whether embellishments will work.



I've sewn on beads, I've taken off beads. I chose different coloured beads and sewed those on. And took them off. I kind of like the leaves, but my daughter thinks it takes away from the simplicity of the piece. Yeah, bummer. That's what I was afraid of. On to February and this can sit on my design wall for a while. Like Juanita said, maybe it will whisper to me. Instead of yelling like it did with a few of those bead choices.

How Old Am I?

The Take it Further Challenge this month is "what are you old enough to remember?" In no particular order, just remembering:

I remember Neil Armstrong taking the first step on the moon. My brother and I sat in our living room and watched in awe. I must also have watched the second moon landing as I always thought the moon landing was near my birthday even though it was in July.

I remember when penny candy was actually less than a penny. My brother and I would get a quarter once a week for our allowance and part of it was spent on little black jawbreakers that were five for a penny.

I remember disco. I was too young to get into the clubs to dance, so I would slather on the makeup and sneak in. I guess no one was as vigilant back then as I can remember spending many a Saturday dancing my fool heart out. Not much has changed--I still love to dance my fool heart out!

I remember Atari and the games that went with it. Hey, I remember Pong, the first computer game ever.

I remember peddle pushers. Now we call them capri pants. Mine where hot pink. I always wonder at the reasoning of my mom allowing a red head to wear florescent pink pants, but hey I was a kid.

I remember eight tracks. Enough said.


I remember when we used to talk to one another. I mean OMG, WTF does TTFN mean?

I remember drive-in movies (and the A&W Drive-in). Every Saturday my mom and dad would take us to A&W for Chubby Chicken. Then we would head to the drive-in for a double feature. I remember trying to stay awake to watch the "mom and dad" movie every single time. And never once did I manage. I also remember waking up just enough when we arrived home to know dad was once again carrying me into the house. And loving it.

I remember the Cold War. And the end of the Cold War. To this day, I have a love of Bond movies. I read every Ian Flemming book he ever wrote, watched every Bond movie, read Le Carre and Graham Greene. I wanted to be a spy when I grew up. Ah well.

I remember Twiggy. She was the first thin model. Now we can't get away from them and the image the portray. Anorexia anyone?

I remember how great it once was to look back, the sweet nostalgia of remembering the good times in life. Thanks Sharon for helping me to reflect on those pleasures. Ah, I needed that.

If I ponder it some more, there will be more that I remember, but now to figure out if there is a quilt in there somewhere. If not, the colour scheme for this month is pretty cool too.

Thoughts on Colour

I've been playing around with the colours for the Take It Further Challenge. I strip pieced greens and purples together and then appliqued strips on top in the lighter purple and ecru.



It is interesting how the lighter strips appear varigated. I like that effect. My problem is, I don't know where to go from here. This is the place my quilts usually start talking to me. They tell me how to quilt, the colour of thread to use, etc. But I can't figure it out.

I am afraid to quilt over top of the strips and ruin the subtle effect it has right now. Originally, I thought to add beads, but again, I can't decide if that would ruin what I've started. What to do, what to do? I is a good thing this is the second quilt, not the first as I wouldn't have finished on time!

Take it Further (Take Two)

The other night, I pulled purple and green from my fabric stash and sewed a few strips together.



Originally, I was thinking of fading light on windows, but once the strips were sewn together, it seemed more watery. I reminded me of deep woods and hidden fairy lakes. I'm adding strips of the lighter colours and am thinking of possibly embroidery ferns or applique...



I have some amazing varigated thread in my collection and access to a wonderful store that carries everything from cotton to silk thread (many hand dyed). Will have to let the piece speak to me and see what it says now.

Take It to Colour

So I completed the concept for the first Take It Further Challenge. Instead of editing my novel, I've been dreaming of colour. Purple and green to be precise. I love these colours together. Seeing everyone's work done in these colours has me thinking. So with only one week left of January (definitely not enough time to finish something), I started digging through piles and bins of fabric. I came up with a little pile of fabric that look close. I even have an idea. Does anyone have some extra time I can borrow?

Valuing Ourselves (and Our Work)

Yesterday I finally hung my large quilt at work. I had to put a hanging sleeve on it. That meant picking out quilting on the left over fabric to match the backing as it was the only fabric I had left. Not time consuming, but not enjoyable either. That done, the quilt now hangs not where I wanted it as it is too large, but the next wall over.

A co-worker came in later in the day and stopped in her tracks.

"Wow," she said (along with a bit more). She loved it. Later, she was talking to someone about the piece and said that when she had come in earlier in the day she'd been in a horrible mood, but seeing the quilt instantly made her feel better. The colours imparted a joy that she needed. Cool! She then asked how much commission I would charge for creating a piece like that.

Okay, that isn't a question I've ever thought about, but looking at the piece, the size and labour involved, I knew that I had to ask enough to cover not only the materials, but the time it took, so I said $600. Her response: "That much, eh?" Well then. My boss defended the price by pointing out an art installation he had recently viewed, quietly commenting that one piece sold the opening night for $10,000.

We as artists should value our work, the time involved, the materials involved and the creative energy it takes to produce the work.

Take It Further (To Completetion!)

I finished my Take it Further Challenge last night. Are we allowed to say we like our own work? Usually I'm hyper-critical of anything I produce, so it is nice for a change to be uber excited about the final outcome. Maybe it is seeing part of my mom's face and part of Elizabeth's face looking out at me. I dig the enigmatic look that results in the combination of the two faces and the addition of the hair. I almost think the border fabric has some of the colours from the challenge, but it is hard to tell. I'm itching for the next one!

Bias Rectangles

Here is a quick how to for creating bias rectangles.

Lay a dark and light fabric face down on your cutting table (both fabrics are right side down).



Fold your fabric in half (you will have four layers of fabric at this point).



Using your bi-rangle ruler, place it square against the two lower right edges of your fabric. Lay a regular ruler along the bias line of the bi-rangle.



Cut strips for your rectangles. Usually strips are 2 1/2" wide, but can be larger or smaller depending how big you want your triangles.



You have four pieces of fabric now all cut into strips. Separate the two pieces so you have two sets of strips.



Sew your strips together, alternating light and dark. Using your bi-rangle, square one edge of the fabric and cut strips (usually 3 1/2" wide, but it will again depend on the size you want your finished triangles).



Line up the bias line of your bi-rangle ruler and cut along the edge of the triangle, flip the triangle, line up the bias line again and trim all the edges flush with the ruler.



You will wind up with two sets of triangles facing opposite directions.



This is the type of quilt you can make: tangomusings.blogspot.com/2007/01/blue-blue-quilting

Admiration

I spent some time yesterday checking out blogs of participants in the Take It Further Challenge. Wow. The amount of stunning, beautiful pieces created is amazing and I only made a dent in looking at the list.

It made me realize that I do admire people. The creativity that is out there is amazing. Many of the women are participating in multiple challenges (and completing them--early). As I contemplated admiration some more, I realized that you women in this challenge are the embodiment of what I admire. Drive, resourcefulness, hard work, a constant drive to learn and push ourselves dare I say it--further.

It was one of those epiphany moments. The whole reason I admired and loved my grandfather as much as I did was his constant drive to learn. I hate complacency and mediocrity but...

No one I looked at yesterday was mediocre or complacent. The level of workmanship is something I admire. This was such a great way for us to start this challenge. Here's a question: at the half way point as we reflect more, how many of us would say that those we chose for our challenge are people we admire because of their love of learning and their need in life to take things further?

Taking it Further

In that stage of wondering where to go next, I contemplated adding borders. I came home from work yesterday and Elizabeth had one of her school projects leaning against the table.



It was one of those ah ha moments. I'd seen the start of this and loved the hair. Elizabeth had never heard of Gibson Girl's, but this reminds me strongly of those images. I had to recreate it it fabric.



Now this I like. Of to quilt it and see how it looks complete. Hopefully two weeks is enough time to finish it!

Stage Two

Here is the second stage of the creation of someone I admire.



I've decided to amalgamate the photo of my mom and my daughter. I added colour using Shiva paintstiks, pastels and graphtint pencils. I placed it on my design wall, stepped back and thought to myself: "Good beginning, but I need to take it further." Hum, do you think I got it?

Taking It Further

The first challenge for Taking It Further was posted on Monday (January 1st down under). Unfortunately, Monday and Tuesday I spent in bed with a fever, so didn't see it until Wednesday. We are to do someone we admire. I've been pondering this one. Deeply. I realized I don't tend to admire people. Well, that isn't totally true. I admire a pair of shoes, the turn of a leg, the grace of certain individuals, but to grow up to want to be like someone?

There are only two people in my life that have had that kind of impact on me. One was my grandfather, the other was my mother. When I was young, I wanted nothing more than to grow up to be like my mother, now I barely remember what she was like.



The other person was my grandfather--a gentle man with a kind word for everyone, a ready smile and a warm heart. I think that is where my mother got those same attributes.



My grandmother was the fiesty one. Like me, we made up for small stature with fierce natures. I often wish I had turned out kind and soft-spoken like my mother, but I didn't.

I could also use my daughter, Elizabeth.



More than anyone in my life she has the best of both attributes. She is soft-spoken when she needs to be, but fierce as well. Already at 20, she has faced down the biggest scare of breast surgery and won. What a woman.

Now to chose which to do and how to do it!

Rough Draft

I finished the first draft of my novel today! Wow. Now to let it sit and percolate in the back of my mind and it will be off to revisions (and more revisions) starting some time in January. The advice is to let it sit for a couple of weeks while I do other things.

That would be quilting.

I've been working on a project as I've written this month. It didn't go as well as the November quilting. It seems when I'm writing, I need something in the quilting stage, not the creating stage. It is harder to multi-task during the creative process. I want to use all my creative energy on one or the other, not divide it between two different endeavors.

This is what I'm working on right now:



The leaves feel too far to the right, so will need to rethink what to do next.

Finally Finished

The large quilt I've been working on is finally finished. It is large: 46 1/2" high by 52 1/2" wide. Any ideas for a name would be gratefully appreciated!



This one took forever to completely. Guess that is what I get for starting (and mostly finishing) a book in November. It was an interesting process. When the writing wasn't working, I'd quilt until I knew what to write. I've started a new quilt. Hopefully it will work the other way too!

I'm going to try to keep track of creative process (a warm up for the Take it Further Challenge http://sharonb.wordpress.com/take-it-further-challenge/)

So to start it off, here it what sparked the idea:


Here are potential fabrics:



I'm intending to use mostly the black and white with only a small bit of the greens for shock value.

To start, I freehand drew a stem on the fabric in pencil and slashed it with my rotary cutter. I placed one of the greens underneath and I'm reverse appliquing the black to create the stem. This is what it looks like so far:



Hopefully while I work on this, the next idea for what I'm writing will come to me. I know what it is supposed to be, but not the execution. Sounds like how I quilt.

Goals

I don't do New Year's Resolutions, but set goals for myself instead. Losing weight will be back on the list of goals again this year unfortunately. I put weight back on after I purchased a vehicle.

On my list of goals for the next while:

1. Finish my NaNo. I made the 50,000 word count by the end of November as desired, but I still need to complete the story. My goal is to write another 30,000 words by the end of December. That is only 1,000 words/day instead of 1,666. Easy.

2. I signed up for an quilt challenge for 2008 called Breaking Traditions. The guidelines will be sent out later. Okay, so far so good.

3. I'm doing an art doll challenge--create a quilt that represents yourself. Think paper doll. Clothes, shoes, hair. Zwinky's here I come. Yep, still cool(ish).

4. I joined the "Take It Further" challenge (http://sharonb.wordpress.com/take-it-further-challenge/). Each month for the next year, a coordinator will post a challenge and we have one month to complete the task, including posting our progress during the month. Hum, I think those might be beads of perspiration forming. Oooh.

I once did a personality test. My results told me I'm the type of person who likes to climb slippery mountains. There was something about my shoes too--of course--but I can't remember exactly how it went. So I've pulled out my stiletto's and I'm good to go.

I did it!

Wow, 50,000 words in one month. The story isn't finished, but the word count is. A bit of rest, and then to complete the tale.

Projects

I'm up to 41,000 words on my NaNo. I'm still afraid I'm going to run out of plot before I get to 50,000 words, but things keep moving along. If it was just to write, it wouldn't matter. I'll keep plugging along and see where it end. Hopefully it is with enough words, though. Writing has been a very organic process. I went into it with a plot, but it didn't last long. Things are happening that I didn't anticipate and I'm only figuring out now how to resolve what had looked like gaping plot loopholes.

The way I'm writing is affecting how I view art and how it gets 'done'. I tend to work organically with my art work, but I think it will be even more so now, less 'plot' and more surprise. I've been working on an art quilt as well and it is almost ready for binding. It is densely quilted, so it had taken forever. Here is a peek at the quilting.



There are spots where the background doesn't lie flat because of the silk shifting possibly in the applique process and possibly in the quilting process. Ah well, off to write another 1,600 words. Before tonight's dinner and live music at the cafe. Well actually, before 3pm when I have a meeting with the other NaNo's.

Community Connection & Dance

Hedy and I had a conversation about tango connection--the one we have with our community and how it affects our dance. We were in agreement that in Buenos Aires there is a different form of connection. We decided that on a crowded floor, there is a bit more anonymity. This allows leads especially to access the passion of tango. She told me that Brent had commented that he missed watching men cry on the dance floor.

I couldn't help but wonder if this is part of what we are missing in our community. We have a wonderful group of dancers, but some of the heart I've felt in other communities is missing. Here, we have fewer members, and less dedication to excellence. Hedy is lucky, she has a lead with a sense of dedication and a willingness to experience that passion.

For the last while, I've closed myself off to the heart of our community (for various reasons) and I miss it. Last night, I cried because I feel that sense of loss deeply. I've considered giving up tango. Without the passion and heart it has felt meaningless. But I'm not ready to quit this dance. Instead, I'm going to give myself a swift kick in the rear end, put my heart back into this dance and see what happens.

Over the Hump

With twelve days left, I've completed 30,735 words of 50,000. Impressive, I suppose. My fear though is that I'll peter out and although the story will wrap up neatly, the word count will fall short. So I'm blathering. Ah well, guess I'll just wander in hopeless circles and edit ruthlessly later.

Feet

Yesterday at work I was sitting at my desk, quietly minding my own business imputing stuff into the gift recommendations, answering the phone, the usual. A client of our sales guy walks in. Usual stuff.

"Nice shoe" he says, pointing at a note pad holder in the shape of a shoe—gee, wonder what something like that is doing on my desk.

"Thanks, I have a shoe fetish," I tell him. Things are going swimming up to this point.

"Cool. I have a foot fetish myself." He responds. Oh. My. God. I'm at work here! Cute, okay, attractive. And a foot fetish. Perfect opening line. Except I was at work. Swell. Hope he does lots of advertising! And needs to come in to office.

The Great Canadian Urban Fantasy

Word count is at the side. I lost over 1,000 words the other day and had a full on panic attack when I had to rewrite them. That wasn't fun at all. One character has now taken on a major roll when I thought she'd only be a photograph. I have no idea where I'm going. I've been know to yell at my computer things like:

"Just what are you doing:

1. Here,
2. That for,
3. With him/her.

Hopefully they will tell me eventually where I'm headed.

Word Count

Day Five

Present word count: 7,039
Words needed by the end of today: 8,333.33

So far, I've been on track for daily word count. I'm staying a bit ahead each day and managing to keep up with other tasks as well. Yesterday, in addition to writing, I met with other NaNoWriMo's, did laundry, worked on an art quilt, and went to tango. And didn't fall behind in my writing.

My plot has gone out the window, my characters are taking over my book and I haven't got a clue where they are going from here. And I'm using perfectly good words in my blog.

Connection & Musicality

The last workshop at Portland was with Murat and Michelle. He walked us through the pause, that chance in the music to reconnect. This put in to words what I felt when I danced in Argentina. It is an unbelievable thing to watch an entire floor dance together. Collisions are few and far between as the dancers hear the music and dance to it. Together. The pause is just that, the pause. Collect with feet together, ocho cortado, the cross. All are ways to reconnect with both your partner and the dance floor.

I've mentioned it before, but here in Victoria, we are in a race to get to the end of the dance first. We rush through moves, don't hear the melody of the music, only the rhythm—beat, beat, beat we move. Pause and listen and you hear a room of people. You hear the underlying melody of unity. Unity to each other, to the dance, to your partner and back out again. It builds an intense energy in a room. No longer are you dancing your own little dance in your own little world, you are dancing everyone's dance. You breathe in the synergy and it builds and builds and builds.

How do I bring this home without offending anyone? How do I tell my leads (including the wonderful dancers) to wait, to breathe in the pause. How to you create a room of such synergy? Once it starts, it will look after itself. But how to start it. Guess I'm going to have to learn to lead.

Portland Tango Festival

Ah, we are in Portland. Denise and I picked up Homi in Sidney and drove down on Thursday. The weather wasn't bad, but the wind around Seattle created an interesting driving experience. We pulled one of those quick changes once we arrived and headed straight to the milonga, which was already in progress. Fashionably late. Not that any one else would notice as so many others were as well. Both fashionable and late that is!

We would have danced until the bitter end, but I was pretty tired from driving, so we left at about 1:30 (close enough, eh!). Saturday was a workshop day. The first two were decent. I am back to hunching my shoulders again, something I had stopped doing after my first private lesson with Eduardo. I already sensed that I was doing it again, but to have the instructor point it out just reminded me.

The third workshop was a bust. The instructor was showing how to make linear moves into circular moves, something I'd learned with both Eduardo and Julio Balmaceda. He had so little "presence" compared to the first two. It could be the fact that he knew no English, and his assistant was one of those "put together" women that don't laugh much.

From workshops, Denise and I went to the afternoon practica. We met up with Gord and Alva and were invited for dinner. We were finalizing arrangements when Hans and Wendy showed up. There wasn't enough room in Gord's car for all of us, so we started walking up the street to pick up Hans's vehicle. And ran into Kitty, Vanessa and Dean. So we went for dinner with them instead.

The evening milonga was wonderful. Again, the bodies were fashionable and we were late. Ah, the dancing. When I wasn't dancing, watching all the beautiful footwork (and footwear) made the time pass very quickly. I danced with Richard from Seattle. Another one of those fleeting tango moments.

Connection. It is the heart of this dance. The last tangasm was with Valentine from New York. These moments are getting fewer and farther between. I'm closing off parts of myself so the ache inside isn't so bad, but after this I know I need a partner. There has to be the ability at home to dance regularly with a lead you connect with. I wonder if any of those young, attractive, dynamic dancers would be willing to come home with me? Hum, guess not. But I did find a pair of shoes willing to come home with me!

Novels and Such

I got the following email on Sunday:

Subject: An email from your imagination

We got this email today from your imagination. It was misaddressed to us, so we're sending it along to you. We hope it finds you well.

-----Original Message-----

Hello!

This is your imagination. I know work, school, and general craziness have been keeping us apart lately. But there's something we need to do together this November.

It's called National Novel Writing Month. For it, we'll bash out a 50,000-word novel, from scratch, in 30 days. You and me. Writing a book. Together.

I need you to sign us up. Because I don't have any arms.

http://www.NaNoWriMo.org

Love,

Your imagination

Apparently last year before heading to Argentina I was thinking of writing a book. I'd heard about NaNoWriMo before and must have signed up for it. And forgot about it. For a year. Aren't reminder emails wonderful. Just think, I could have gone on forever with my dancing and my quilting and never written that book. Writing is on my list of "things I've done in the past". Kind of like art.

It would be easy to ignore this, after all my life is very busy right now. I dance, am part of the Tango Pacifico board and all that includes and have a deadline for an art quilt in the middle of November. So I signed up for it. And told people at work I'm writing a book in November. Insert eye rolls and laughter here! OMG, I signed up online to write a novel in November. What AM I thinking! Good thing I'm not going to Argentina this year after all.

Portland Tango Festival

Eleven of us are heading to Portland this weekend. It will take us four vehicles and a train to do it, but I'm sure we will all arrive safely. Unlike everyone else, I'm going to combine pleasure with more pleasure and fabric shop as well. Portland has Fabric Depot, more than an acre of great fabric all in one place. I hope my car is big enough to bring it all back! There is also a showing of Gees Bend quilts that I'm hoping to be able to see as well.

Of course, with all the tango workshops, I might get distracted and forget fabric and wear my feet out instead. Ooh, guess I need to figure out which shoes to bring. Green, check. Zebra, check. Red? Hum, the Lolo Gerard are starting to feel a bit loose, but that might be okay and I always forget about the Tango Brujo custom made. A spin with them on the dance floor last night reminded me of how comfortable they are. Hum, I might not have room for the fabric because of the shoes.

Scapegoat

I had an epiphany yesterday. It was a bit awkward though, as a little old man in Starbucks said "Don't look so sad, it can't be that bad" and I started to cry. In public. I never cry and certainly not in public, so I practically ran to my car. No kleenex anywhere, not in my purse, my coat, the glove compartment. Thank God for shirt sleeves.

The night before Elizabeth had commented to me in passing that her dad and I still talked about one another the same way, were still so bitter. When I started to tell her I wasn't bitter, she snapped "You're not bitter, I get it. I get it," and walked away. Pondering this I couldn't help but wonder if I was still bitter.

The next morning in Starbucks, I was sitting and contemplating how frustrating it is to be thought to have said or done things that you didn't. How hurtful to have someone you care about accuse you of saying things you didn't say.

The breakup of my marriage was a horrible thing. Steph accused her father of sexual abuse, and social services removed him from the home. It took about that long for them to do it too. I heard later from my neighbour that he was telling everyone that Steph and I concocted the scheme in order to get him out of the house. His jump in logic was that because I was sexually abused I'd coached her on what to say to make the accusation stick. Six years later, and that still hurts. Deeply. Painfully. The result of this kind of branding is to try to encase my heart in ice. It was easier to appear bitter and angry than to hurt that much.

I've been a "victim" in the past. Been there, done that, burnt the t-shirt. So here it is, happening again in my life from yet another source. OMG, stop with trying to make me a scapegoat. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a couple of t-shirts I need to go burn.