Monday, June 29, 2009

Ooh Travel

In my inbox this morning I received a post from Chris Guillebeau on his upcoming around the world trip. He sent a link on ways to purchase a round the world plane ticket.

Oh gee, you know what I want to do now, don't you.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

The Reservoir

I subscribe to a blog called the Happiness Project. I came across it at a point in time when things felt a bit bleak for me. Most of my life I've been a cheerful person, but the last few years have tried me almost to the breaking point. Although a number of things that occurred are by no means the worst I've experienced in my life, they felt like almost insurmountable odds.

Then today, she posted this quote from Samuel Johnson:

It is a common mistake on the part of cooler, self-contained natures to assume that those who have a giving and ebullient character are what they are only because they cannot help it—that they are fed from a spring that will never stop rather than a reservoir that can be exhausted. Hence the feeling of stark disbelief or unpleasant shock on the part of others when the reservoir of effort and energy—for it turns out to be a reservoir—is almost gone….the principal reward for those who give lavishly rather than meagerly is the expectation that they remain true to form and continue to give.

And burst into tears. Yep, now I understand. Hum, now to figure out how to refill the well. I think my trips to Argentina are the beginning of that renewal. I felt the best I've felt in years during my last trip.

I try now to limit time spent around those that would drain that reservoir. Like Johnson said, those without the reservoir would drain us completely dry without thought to our own emotional energy. Because they think our energy/joy is limitless, they don't think to help us renew. Ask me how I know.

I used to be the ebullient person. And I remember every day what I've lost and how badly I want to be me again.

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

A Little Leonard Cohen Love

Okay I'll confess. I love Leonard Cohen. I first heard him on CBC sometime in the '90s. I remember sitting in my car listening to find out who this amazing poet was. His voice is gravely and I know many don't like it. But the poetry. OMG, he could sing to me any time he likes. In fact, I came back from Argentina earlier than I could have just to go to his concert. Screamed myself hoarse and wound up so exhausted I almost fell asleep in the second half, but worth every minute.

Two people recently mentioned that they don't like his song "Hallelujah". Both people mention that the song only has one word repeated over and over again. That word being hallelujah.

Um, no. It is a song about David and Bathsheba and Samson and Delilah (thus the reference to hallelujah as we are talking love of biblical proportions). Both are love stories laced with obsession. David saw Bathsheba sunbathing (naked) on his neighbours roof. And decided he had to have her for himself. To obtain her, David sent Bathsheba's husband into battle where he died. Um, yeah.

Samson was so obsessed with Delilah that he allowed her to bind him and cut off all his hair. Doesn't sound so bad, except he lost all his superhuman strength when she did.

Yep, a song that only has one word in it. Here it is so you can read the other words it also includes:


Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Baby I have been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you.
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You say I took the name in vain
I don't even know the name
But if I did, well really, what's it to you?
There's a blaze of light
In every word
It doesn't matter which you heard
The holy or the broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

I did my best, it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I tried to touch
I've told the truth, I didn't come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I'll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

And yes, I know not everyone like Leonard Cohen. It is all a matter of personal taste (even if I tease you if you don't like him).

Monday, June 08, 2009

The World According to Seuss

Because I like it when the people around me are happy, the odd time I need a smack upside the head reminding me that I'm not responsible for other people's happiness. There is one person I know that is never happy with... well, my existence. This individual has said things that have ruined one relationship and possibly damaged others. To repair the one relationship, I'd have to say things best left unsaid. Defend myself by cutting another person down? Not going to happen. But as a result there is a trail of hurt feelings and confusion (or at least in my mind).

Then the other day I ran across this quote by Dr. Seuss:

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

Yeah. That's it. Sometimes I forget not to care what certain individuals think about me. Being who I am in this situation, without all the walls and barriers I've created to keep myself safe... wow, that's a challenge. Is it worth the risk? Certainly, if it repairs that one broken relationship.

And right now, I've actually got nothing to loose.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Wait and See

In the end I went to the cafe to dance (of course). In reality there was never much doubt that I would. It will be interesting to see what happens from this. I thought of staying home, knowing full well that if I did, certain people would claim I'd gone elsewhere to dance. Granted, I posted on facebook that I thought any decision would be a bad one (even though for me it came down to going to the cafe or staying home).

My support probably doesn't count for much any more because of the malicious rumours someone else started about me, but at least in my own heart I know I did what was right.

Wednesday, June 03, 2009


I didn't actually realize Tango by the Sea is this weekend. Not that it makes much difference. I'm too broke to attend anyway. But apparently they have a milonga planned for Friday night. Which means the cafe will be deserted--the cause of my dilemma. With no one to dance with, staying home makes the most sense. Why bother wasting both time and money to sit around and look--bored.

Oh right, I remember. Gossip. And not the good kind. The kinds where certain person(s) will accuse me of going to the dark side.

Which wouldn't be true. I shouldn't care, but I already find myself unable to fit within the local tango community. And lies of that nature hurt.

So the question is, do I ensure no one lies about my whereabouts by going in on Friday or do I choose to stay home and get some writing done. In the end maybe it isn't such a hard decision. After all, I know the truth.