Saturday, January 13, 2007


For a woman who thinks nothing of hopping on an airplane and heading to a foreign country, it is amazing how terrified I am of the possibility of a relationship. The thought of compromising myself, losing my freedom causes my subconscious to become a bitch. Right now, I can travel when I want, go out when I want, sleep as long as I like. That is too much for me to willingly give up.

I had a budding friendship with a fellow a while ago. When I realized I was actually attracted to him, I did the unthinkable and told him. According to all the chick lit, this is a sure fire way to drive him away. I was hoping he would tell me it wasn't mutual, then we could get on with the business of being friends. But he didn't. I don't think this means he was attracted to me, just that he chose not to say he wasn't. I didn't pursue the possibility of a friendship with him either as he was no longer "safe".

Lately I've come to think I wouldn't mind a "normal" relationship. I also wonder how a woman with such a fierce independent spirit can do this without sacrifice.